Why is it so difficult for us to be respectful towards other humans? For example, why do we think children deserve less respect than grownups, and why do men get more respect than women?
Some say children and women need love instead of respect, presumably because of their physical weakness. However, such thinking assumes that respect and love are fundamentally different. Love is seen as something that is soft, cuddly, forgiving, enveloping; something that soothes the nervous tendencies of the weak. Respect is something that is firm, impersonal, affirming, empowering, something that the strong need to remain strong. In this view, the strong must be strengthened to protect the weak, who cannot be trusted to take care of themselves.
The idea that love and respect are fundamentally different is based on the concept that those who are physically weak are also mentally weak, that their natural irresponsibility must be handled with love - but only as long as they show proper respect. As soon as they fail to show proper respect, love is replaced with coercion, belittling, even violence. The physical weakness of women and children lends an opportunity to the physically stronger man to demand respect through force. Thus respect becomes an excuse not to love, and the whole model is effectually shattered.
But what if instead of loving some and respecting others, we affirmed that all humans are equally worthy of love and respect? What if we recognized that respect is the byproduct of love? Love is, after all, the reason why we treat people well. We are respectful towards the people we love, for we wish them well. Those who hate, or are indifferent, do not show respect, for they do not care what others think. Even children are worthy of respect, for we do not become more human as we grow up; we are born human. If we do not deserve respect because we are human, neither do we deserve love. Those who are loved only when they please others, are not truly loved. They are merely tolerated until they fail to please.
Love and respect are fundamental parts of the human experience. When we fail to respect all humans, we fail to love all humans. According to the New Testament, failing to love all, is equivalent to loving none (Jas 2.8-11). How respectful is that?
Susanna, I'm not sure who or what circumstances you're referring to when you ask why women and children receive less respect. Is there something specific you had in mind?
ReplyDeleteAlso, I don't agree with your statement that respect is the byproduct of love. I can think of situations where I do not have a special love for a person, but I respect her because she is a fellow image-bearer with me. I can also think of times when I'm not respectful towards people I love.
I think I'm confused by your use of love and respect...
Hi Brian, I wrote another article about love and respect titled "What if Respect Requires Love?. You can find it in the May section, third from the top. If you still have questions, I would be happy to talk about it.
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