Marriage and Hierarchy, and Why Hiearchy Doesn't Work in a Marriage

Lately there has been a lot of discussion about hierarchy and marriage. Hierarchialists complain that most complementarian couples live as if they were egalitarians, and egalitarians talk about how hierarchy just doesn't work. Both are correct, and for a very good reason: a hierarchy is incompatible with a spirit-filled life.

Spirit-filled people do not seek to get their way at the expense of other. They do not seek to gratify the desires of the flesh, but follow the Spirit, and the Spirit causes us to forsake selfish ambition. Spirit-filled people don't delight in ignoring the wishes and preferences of others, instead they actively seek to please others.

Just imagine if everyone treated their friends the way they treat their spouses.

- Hi! Great to see you! So, where should we go?
- I've already decided. We are going to Insomnia Coffee Shop and after that you are going to clean my house.
- Oh, really...
 [End of friendship]

In a secular setting a hierarchy is often necessary to get things done. A display of power and authority gets things moving quickly, but the kingdom of God is not about a display of power and authority, it's about a display of humility and servanthood.

If Jesus wanted his disciples to follow the Roman way of life, he wouldn't have said:

"The kings of the Gentiles lord it over them; and those who exercise authority over them call themselves Benefactors. But you are not to be like that. Instead, the greatest among you should be like the youngest, and the one who rules like the one who serves. For who is greater, the one who is at the table or the one who serves? Is it not the one who is at the table? But I am among you as one who serves (Luke 22:25-27, NIV)

 
Jesus would have said:

"The kings of the Gentiles lord it over them; and those who exercise authority over them call themselves Benefactors, and you are to be like them. For, the greatest among you should be like the firstborn [with all authority], and the one who rules like the one who truly exercises authority. For who is greater, the one who is at the table or the one who serves? Is it not the one who is at the table? Among you I am as one who is being served (Luke 22:25-28 NIV).

If marriage is not about authority and submission, what is it all about? It's kind of strange that we even have to ask the question, isn't it? People get married to form families, to end loneliness, to find someone who's like- minded, to find a partner who shares their passions and goals; they don't get married to get a servant whom they can order around. 

Or at least they shouldn't.