Theologians tell us women ought to submit to men. They tell us also that submission ought to be intelligent, instead of servile. But why should submission be intelligent? Or rather, why should submission not be servile? The answer is found in Genesis 1: if men and women are both equally created in the image of God, both must share in the dignity and freedom that is part of the image. A life that is lived beneath such dignity is not suitable for humans, wherefore servility—that of being another’s slave—cannot be part of submission.
But here things become a bit tricky, for if
submission is equivalent to obedience, and obedience requires the renunciation
of our free will, how can submission not
be servile? Slavery is, after all, all about becoming a possession instead of
remaining a person. If, however, instead of being imposed on us, submission is
something we choose, thinking is an
integral part of it. If we must choose whether
to submit or resist, we must think before we choose one or the other; no one
can make that decision for us. Obedience is always initiated by the person who
commands; no choice is available for the one who obeys without dire
consequences. Submission, however, if initiated by the one who submits, cannot
be coerced or demanded; there cannot be a negative consequence when submission
is withheld. If the refusal to submit is followed by a negative consequence, the
person in question would be coerced to obey, which would transform submission
into obedience, and we would be back where we started.
Ephesians 5:22 uses the middle voice of hupotasso (Greek for “submit”),
wherefore submission must be voluntary, initiated by the person who submits. Intelligent
submission assumes that the one who submits considers carefully the
ramifications of her submission; the outcome is as important as the act of
submission. We find this in the candid admission of theologians that a wife
must never follow her husband into sin. This admission leaves only the
husband’s preferences as the “everything” a wife must submit to. But why did
God give the husband a right to demand that his wife submit to his every preference?
Husbands are instructed to love their wives the way
they love themselves.[i] 1
Corinthians 13:5 tells us that love is not self-seeking, for self-seeking is a
work of the “flesh”; where self-seeking is found, so is every evil work.[ii] Does
God really command husbands to follow the “flesh”? Paul makes it abundantly
clear in his letter to the Romans that a Christian owes no obligation to the
“flesh” to live according to it. In fact, we must put to death the works of the
“flesh” by the Spirit.[iii]
The “flesh” causes us to hate others; the Spirit
produces love in us, for the Spirit has placed God’s love in our hearts.[iv] 1
Corinthians 13:4-5 tells us that love is patient and kind; it does not envy,
nor is it proud. Our partnership with the Spirit, coupled with humility and
compassion, causes us to consider also the interests of others, instead of vainly
considering ourselves more important through self-seeking.[v]
If a husband must love his wife the way he loves
himself, and do to her as he would like her do to him in return, self-seeking is
something that a husband must guard himself against.[vi] Instead
of vainly seeking to please only themselves, husbands are called to imitate
Jesus who didn’t seek to please only himself.[vii] This
begs the question: what authority does a husband then have in a marriage? The
authority every human has; the authority over himself to live before God and
his fellow humans with a good conscience.[viii]
Since all men, whether married or single, must live according to God’s will, it
is impossible for a husband to claim greater rights than God has given him. God
has commanded us to love our neighbors the way we love ourselves and lay down
our lives for others.[ix]
Servanthood is a manifestation of love (“serve one another in love”),[x]
and love leads to submission.[xi]
Only the pure can submit.[xii] Those
whose hearts have been purified by the Holy Spirit can love their brothers and
sisters deeply.[xiii]
Self-seeking comes from a hard heart; a heart that cannot love. Yet, it is
possible for a Christian, who has been washed clean and given a new and living heart,
to forget that he has been cleansed from his past sins.[xiv] It
is very possible to begin well, and forget everything about godliness,
brotherly kindness, and love, because of the deceitfulness of sin.[xv]
Because the pure submit, we find that love leads Christian
couples to mutual submission—which is only fitting, for mutual submission is a
very biblical concept indeed.[xvi] When
husbands and wives seek to serve each other and humbly consider each other
better than themselves, they begin to manifest the attitude of Christ, who
emptied himself of the glory he had before his incarnation in order to become
the greatest servant of all.[xvii]
[i]
Ephesians 5:28
[ii] Galatians 5:20,
James 3:16
[iii] Romans 8:12-13
[iv] Romans 5:5
[v] Philippians
2:1-4
[vi] Luke 6:31
[vii] Romans 15:3
[viii]
Acts 24:16
[ix] John 5:12-13, note
that Jesus mentions both love and servanthood
[x][x]
Galatians 5:13
[xi] 1 Peter 5:5
[xii] James 3:17-18
[xiii]
Acts 15:9;
1 Peter 1:22
[xiv] 2 Peter 1:9
[xv] Hebrews 12:1
[xvi] Ephesians 5:21
[xvii]
Philippians
2:3-5
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